Penn Answers

Yes, you can hear Penn Jillette expound on any number of topics for hours and hours on Penn Says (and you should). Since he’s not taking suggestions for the show, though (nor should he), it’s good to get the big guy to answer a few questions every now and then. The magician with the mouth recently answered our queries about his appearance on Dancing with the Stars, his controversial Hillary Clinton joke, and why there aren’t any good looking dudes in magic. Enjoy.

Crackle: You’ve been doing Penn Says for almost two months now. Are you going strong, or is it a struggle to come up with things to talk about?

Penn Jillette: Something to talk about hasn’t been a problem. For a while “Dancing with the Stars” was consuming my body and (more embarrassingly) my brain, but now I’m back and can talk about other things.

Crackle: Your partner on Dancing with the Stars, Kym Johnson, was paired up with N’Sync’s Joey Fatone last season. How do you feel about being compared to a guy who was in N’Sync?

PJ: I like Joey. And I’m on a quest to make his name mean “male genitals.” You know, in a loving way.

Crackle: You lost a fair amount of weight in the run-up to Dancing with the Stars. What’s your secret?

PJ: Hot pepper enemas . . . . just kidding, nothing crazy. I worked out like an absolute freak and I ate a bit less. That’s all. But, I was way overweight. I had 50 pounds to lose. If you want to lose a LOT of weight, first put on a lot of weight.

Crackle: Let’s humor Maureen Dowd for a second. If exit polls in Ohio and Texas revealed that voters were pushed to vote for Hillary Clinton “because of Penn’s offensive joke”, how would you react?

PJ: Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. But, it doesn’t matter, it’s just a primary, if the Libertarian candidate does NOT win the general election, then I’ll be upset.

Crackle: Why haven’t we seen any magic on Penn Says?

PJ: It’s just not what it’s about. Penn & Teller do magic — Penn talks. I’m not juggling either. But, I have thought about throwing a trick or two in. We’ll see.

Crackle: What topics, if any, are verboten—by decree of wife, manager, or conscience—in Penn Says?

PJ: The same subjects that would be verboten right here.

Crackle: Have you held onto the breast implant that your plastic surgeon gave you? Has it lost its novelty or is it still fun to put on your face?

PJ: You know, it’s just insane. I handle it all the time. I mean all the time. Right hand on mouse, left hand on implant. It’s so comforting. No joke here, I never let go of it. Maybe I should do another PS about it.

Crackle: In a recent Penn Says, you came to the staggering realization that you could have an attractive partner. Who are the three handsomest magicians of all time?

PJ: There have never been good looking magicians. Really never. The best looking magician we’ve had, wouldn’t be the best looking kid in a mid-west high school, let alone Hollywood. Good looking people have no reason to learn magic. And . . . well, ugly people have no good reason to learn magic.

Watch more Penn Says on Crackle.

Conversation on Crackle

For a long time, user comments on Crackle were all done in our video player. In an effort to get a larger and better conversation going around the great content on the site, we’ve moved Comments to their very own tab adjacent to the Channel and Show tabs that you know and love. So watch the video, click the Comments tab, and fire away!

Announcing C-Spot

Admit it: there’s a distinct lack of hilarious scripted comedy webisodes in your life. Ok, feel better? Crackle’s here to help: we just launched C-Spot, a brand new channel featuring original series that are so funny they could make a grieving widow snarf her merlot. The shows are:

• Gaytown: A solitary straight man’s struggle for acceptance in a world gone queer

• The Writers’ Room: A black comedy about the trials of writing for a late-night show

• Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show: A Japanese variety show where confusion reigns supreme

• Hot Hot Los Angeles: Sex, money and status are the main characters of this La-La land soap spoof

• The Roadents: The road trip from hell, starring two neurotic and combative guinea pigs

Below: The Shows of C-Spot

The Best Indie Song of 2008: Only on Crackle!

With their infectious bleep-bloop indie pop, British indie duo the Ting Tings are destined for big, well, tings. Their single ‘Great DJ’ is the most popular indie song of 2008 thus far, according to British music mega-mag NME. Oh, and lest we forget, the official footage of their memorable SXSW performance of Great DJ is only online at Crackle! Enjoy:

Above: Great DJ, by the Ting Tings

SXSW 2008 on Crackle!

South by Southwest is a multi-day, multi-venue music (and film, and art…) extravaganza that takes place every year in Austin, Texas. It’s a music lover’s Shangri-La, and you no longer need to be in Austin to experience it: SXSW 2008 is on Crackle. We’re the exclusive web home of official SXSW music footage, so dive right into a plethora of performances from bands new, old, breaking and beloved.

Above: Sia performs ‘Buttons’ at SXSW 2008.

Talking to Crackle Creators

Over on our channel-specific blogs, we’ve done some fantastic interviews with gracious Crackle creators of all kinds - filmmakers, animators, comedians, and bands. Here are a few of the very best:

• A conversation with Starz! Bunnies creator Jennifer Shiman.

• Q + A with Mr. Deity, creator of the universe and, of course, star of his own web series.

• A light-hearted interview with Metric, a Canadian indie band with a global following.

• A talk with The Honey Brothers, an indie power-pop foursome whose drummer is Entourage star Adrien Grenier.

• A tag-team interview with Stephen Payne and John Godwin, creators of the fantastic, Tenacious D-inspired animation A Tale of Rock.

• Picking the brain of director Brian Lonano, whose short film ATTACKAZOIDS! is a new blueprint for compelling science fiction on a shoestring budget.

Shooting the bull… with Mr. Deity!

He’s everywhere at all times, yeah yeah, but let’s face facts: it’s not easy getting an audience with our creator. So imagine our shock when Mr. Deity - omnipotent father of Jesus and creator of the biweekly web series that gives us mortals an inside look at the goings on upstairs - agreed to answer a few of our questions. Thanks, benevolent creator!

Crackle: Describe your childhood.

Mr. Deity: Being a childhood deity was tough. People expect so much from you. They’re always looking for favors. And you never know who your true friends are. Plus, you have to worry about your parents squandering your hard-earned income. Zeus’ parents used some of his money to have an above-ground pool put in.

But for me, the toughest part was the hair. Going prematurely gray when I was 18 months old made things difficult. My teachers were already intimidated by the whole “deity” thing. So, when my gloriously thick head of white hair was added to the mix, it was an heuristic nightmare, my friend.

Crackle: Walk us through a typical day in the life of Mr. Deity.

Mr. Deity: It’s just one damned thing after the other. If it’s not people killing each other, or stealing each other’s property, it’s the wifi chuggin’ along at 97kbps while I’m trying to watch “Penn Says,” [ed: he's a shoutout Deity] or trying to get some decent cell service on this damned iPhone. Curse you, AT&T!!!!

Crackle: Why Mr. Deity? Did you never feel like going for the doctorate?

Mr. Deity: School was no fun for me. [Again], it was the hair.

Crackle: Like it or not, you’re a Christian Deity. Do you enjoy good relations with other Deities—Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, etc.?

Mr. Deity: I get along well with almost all other deities. There was a problem early on with the Greek gods, who tried to form a union and push me out (which is why you don’t hear from them anymore), but for the most part we’re all really good friends. I particularly enjoy the company of the Buddha. You wouldn’t know it to look at him, but he’s a really good dancer. He’s also the king of the pie-eating contest (that, you could probably figure out by looking at him).

Crackle: How do you compensate Larry?

Mr. Deity: I compensate Larry with fish. He can swallow them whole if they’re not too big. It’s freaky.

Crackle: We never see you during your downtime. How do you relax?

Mr. Deity: I enjoy video games - God of War, in particular. (SIDEBAR: My dog is named “Aries”, who is the god of what…? That’s right, office supplies.) I’m looking forward to the new Metal Gear Solid, and I’m hoping I can get my hands on a PS3 soon. I wanted one for Christmas, but apparently no one up here knows how to take a hint.

Below: Mr. Deity and the Help Meet (Season 2, Episode 9)

Crackle: Worshipping false idols or taking your name in vain—which gets your goat more?

Mr. Deity: I don’t really have a problem with idols. That was another big misunderstanding involving my hatred and contempt of “American Idol.” I mean, seriously, how do you get rid of Sanjaya?

The “taking my name in vain” thing really does bother me though — not saying “God Dammit” and stuff like that, but doing evil in my name (which is what the commandment is really about). And I’ll tell you this right now, anyone who voted against Sanjaya, and did so in my name, is gonna have a painful stretch with Lucy down in the catheter room.

Crackle: What’s the most accurate portrayal of your behavior, Milton’s God in Paradise Lost, Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty, or Alanis Morissette in Dogma?

Mr. Deity: I would love to tell you which one I liked best, but it wouldn’t be right for me to play favorites. So, this really is a jagged little pill for me to swallow. It’s ironic too, because you oughta know. But I think that I would be good, if I just kept my hands clean on this one. I don’t mean to flinch, and it probably seems crazy to you - I hate to appear spineless. But I’m old enough to know that, you live and you learn. But thank you for everything. I hope you’ll still see me as a sympathetic character.

Crackle: Who does a better job playing your son, Willem Defoe in The Last Temptation of Christ or Jim Caviezel in The Passion of the Christ?

Mr. Deity: Graham Chapman — who’s right here with me, by the way. Say “hi” Graham. Okay, Graham says, “hi.” He wants you to tell Cleese and the boys that he thought the “ashes/urn” gag was an hysterical bit.

Crackle: What’s the truer stereotype, a vengeful God or a merciful God? Does it depend on the day?

Mr. Deity: Neither. I refuse to be pigeon-holed (not that I don’t enjoy a good pigeon-holing from time-to-time - especially if the mood is right and I’ve had a few). I am merciful to those who deserve mercy and vengeful to those who deserve vengeance. You’ll want to make sure you’re on the right side of that one. And remember, beware of people who are merciful to those who deserve vengeance. For they will be vengeful when mercy is required. Hey, look at that! I waxed poetic in the end. Wasn’t that a nice little piece of wisdom in all of this so-called chaos?

Watch Mr. Deity in action on Crackle, and make sure to tune into the Season 2 finale on Saturday, March 8, also on Crackle.

Infinite Flames for You

Happy Valentine’s Day from Crackle!

Blogs Away!

Be sure to check out our new channel-specific blogs:

Moving Targets (Sketch Comedy)

Wet Paint (Animation)

Scrambler (Indie Music)

Short Film (Short Film)

Penn Says

Tune in each week for insight and agitation from Penn Jillette…then upload your own response video.